btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize