watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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