so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
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six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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