I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
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I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
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How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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