Im at strip club and am horny
My friends, they love my intelligence
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
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