Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
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I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
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Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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