This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
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I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
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I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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