I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
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