Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
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i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
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Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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