somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize