Just fell off a train. Bad.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
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I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
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There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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