That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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