What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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