Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
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Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
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after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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