take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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