i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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