so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
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But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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