Texts From Last Night

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  (636): View more from Missouri

  Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.

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  (636): Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning. http://tfl.nu/gyoc
  Replies (10) Good night (4369) Bad night (419) Order T-Shirt
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  (906): View more from Michigan

  last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that

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  (906): last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that http://tfl.nu/8upf
  Replies (16) Good night (1625) Bad night (5325) Order T-Shirt
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  (914): View more from New York

  Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself

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  (914): Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself http://tfl.nu/ot4u
  Replies (30) Good night (5142) Bad night (1137)
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  (408): View more from California

  It's chlamydia! Thank God!

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  (408): It's chlamydia! Thank God! http://tfl.nu/1hqj
  Replies (25) Good night (1443) Bad night (8228) Order T-Shirt
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."

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  (605): Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great." http://tfl.nu/846x
  Replies (15) Good night (2454) Bad night (2711) Order T-Shirt
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".

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  (208): She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs". http://tfl.nu/ppqp
  Replies (23) Good night (8708) Bad night (753) Order T-Shirt
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.

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  (773): You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930. http://tfl.nu/kxnv
  Replies (14) Good night (2971) Bad night (816) Order T-Shirt
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.

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  (402): I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire. http://tfl.nu/9p46
  Replies (12) Good night (4954) Bad night (977) Order T-Shirt
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  (631): View more from New York

  So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here

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  (631): So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here http://tfl.nu/ydin
  Replies (7) Good night (2052) Bad night (489) Order T-Shirt
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.

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  (410): I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb. http://tfl.nu/3y7t
  Replies (3) Good night (1602) Bad night (572) Order T-Shirt
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.

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  (802): I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms. http://tfl.nu/3zhe
  Replies (9) Good night (402) Bad night (1732) Order T-Shirt
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  (716): View more from New York

  i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.

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  (716): i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs. http://tfl.nu/9d6u
  Replies (10) Good night (1382) Bad night (537)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.

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  (732): Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish. http://tfl.nu/b0yx
  Replies (6) Good night (549) Bad night (1182) Order T-Shirt
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?

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  (814): I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today? http://tfl.nu/mxod
  Replies (5) Good night (1202) Bad night (344) Order T-Shirt
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico

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  (651): Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico http://tfl.nu/a33d
  Replies (0) Good night (266) Bad night (137) Order T-Shirt

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