Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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