he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
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you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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