Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize