there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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