Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize