Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
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This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
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Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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