After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize