Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
