he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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