ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
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I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
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Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize