We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
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its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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