Sponge bath it is.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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