So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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