Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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