im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize