well I can't set my house on fire every night
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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