I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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