it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
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