Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
of course. lets lasso hookers.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
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Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
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And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize