he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
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Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
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I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
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