why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
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I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
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But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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