i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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