So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize