My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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