Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize