i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
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I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
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Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize