Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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