u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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