Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
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her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
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I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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