ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize