I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
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