Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize