if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
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My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
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When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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