First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize