My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize